We’ve had more illness and teething, which I’ve always read impacts on EC. Illness did to a certain extent with L, but the memories are vague. With X there hasn’t been any impact on his wanting to communicate, which is helpful. I don’t know if this is because of living communicatively from the start with him, or just a different personality.

Development

Last week X had his first tastes of food (cucumber), and on Sunday he ate his first mouthful (strawberry)! He wasn’t really keen on either. This week he’s tried a few more things and seems to like starchy foods. He’s enjoyed banana, bread and potatoes. So, his poo has started to show the first signs of change, but not by much. I’m sure there will be wonderful tales of poo to look forward to next month ;o)

X is sitting like a pro now! He really enjoys how much more of the world has been opened up to him. It hasn’t affected his ability to communicate he needs the toilet/affected how long he can hold his bladder for. When he’s sat on the potty, if there’s anything nearby, he will grab the closest leg/sofa/anything sturdy to pull himself (shakily!) to standing when he’s done. I sometimes wonder if he’s actually gone, but he’s peed and just doesn’t want to hang around!

Preferences

X will sometimes decide that he doesn’t want to go on the potty and will choose another place instead. He’s usually pretty laidback about where he will go, but you get those random times when he just wants to go elsewhere, and he is very insistent about it.

It never ceases to amaze me how much of their personality comes through with EC. I love that he teaches me to respect his choices even if it’s not the easiest option for me. He keeps me on my toes!

Age: 7 months

EC-related gear using:

* Little pants
* Potty
* Toilet seat reducer
* Closer Car Seat Protector

Cues:

* Shouting
* Blowing raspberries
* Frantic leg kicking and/or arm waving

This month has been a blur of being busy and bouts of illness. Things seem to be plodding along much the same though, so I don’t have much to share this month. As always, good night time communication comes when I’m well rested, instead of sleepily taking his pee cues for milk ones. Day times are the same too – great two-way communication when there’s harmony in the house ;o)

X is showing his developing preferences toileting-wise by favouring the potty usually, but still likes the toilet (held over, me sitting backwards). He is also happy to go in-arms in the house again, which is Daddy’s prefered way of toileting him. He is happy on most potties now – I’ve been experimenting with different ones out and about – except the Top Hat Potty! They are coming in very handy though with L (2) as a less disruptive way of him having a wee. He had been getting upset recently, saying he needed to go , but then not wanting to leave what he was doing. For poos with him we just move what he was doing into the bathroom if possible. Another very handy use for the THP has been it’s wonderful usefulness as a pee-pot. Having the revelation that I could just have the normal potty in the bedroom at night, stick X on when he needs to go, then pour the pee into the THP and store that safely under the bed has been almost as brilliant an “invention” as co-sleeping! Nights are yet another bit simpler now. Next stop – no pees til morning……please? ;o)

Out and about is pretty much the same as usual, with the exception I can use the Front Cross Carry (FCC) now he’s bigger and less reliant on neck support. This carry is poppable, so very EC and tandem carry friendly. It’s nice to have more options.

Looking Ahead

As X enters the second half of his first year of life, I’m looking forward to the exciting times ahead. There’s so much to come developmentally – sitting unaided, starting solids, crawling, walking, and the changes in how he communicates. All these things will undoubtably have some effect on our EC journey, and I’m really looking forward to it! Once again I’m kicking myself for not starting baby signing earlier. I started around this age with L I think, and hope to remember to do the same with X. We only really did two with L – “milk” and “toilet”. I expect we’ll be just as lax this time too!

EC is really helping with his coordination, as when he wants to use a potty he plays a game of picking something up, dropping and picking up again.

Age: 6 months

EC-related gear using:

* Little pants
* Potty
* Closer Car Seat Protector

Cues:
* Shouting
* Blowing raspberries
* Frantic leg kicking and/or arm waving

Tribal Babies officially launched online on April 12th 2012, so our 1st birthday is coming up very soon! To celebrate, there will be cake ;o) As most of you won’t be able to share that with us, we will also be running a giveaway.

1st prize – Little Frog Akwamaryn Size 4 (3.6m)
2nd prize - Baltic Amber Necklace (36 months+)
3rd Prize - Pair of Black Sling Rings

To enter, all you need to do is “like”, comment on and share the giveaway post on Facebook. The winners will be picked at random around 8pm on Friday 12th April.

Thank you all so much for your support and custom this past year – it’s much appreciated.

LOCAL “LIKERS”

To our many local supporters, thank you for spreading the word in and around Suffolk. Getting to know our customers is such a privilege, and for you to then recommend Tribal Babies to your friends means a lot. So, for you lovely people I’m going to do an extra draw……….

1st prize - £20 Tribal Babies Voucher
2nd prize - Babywearing Pendant
3rd prize - Little Frog Bag (Sunny Agat)

Eligibility requirements: you must have placed an order between Jan 2012-Apr 2013, live in Suffolk or Essex and have liked our Facebook page. Prizes are collection only ;o)

To enter: “like” and share the competition post, then send me a PM!

I will draw on Friday 12th April around 8pm. You are also more than welcome to pop over Friday afternoon for cake =o)

Wrapees: X – 4 months (14-ish lbs) and L – 26 months (28-ish lbs)

Overview

In February I was very privileged to spend a week playing with one of the first Firespiral tester wraps. Before it arrived I was a bit apprehensive about the fact I was getting “the beast” – described by Jen (co-owner of Firespiral Slings) as being similar to a 55% linen Didymos – as my main wrapee is my (then) 4 month old. I intended on using it for tandem carries to test with my toddler (I rarely get to wrap him alone) but it would get the most workout with X. Needless to say, I was still very excited and the prospect of a possible challenge wasn’t so bad really ;o)

To be honest, testing a wrap was also to be a big test of whether my perceptions of the company could follow through with an amazing product to match their passion, ethical stance and likeability.

 
First Impressions

When the wrap arrived, I practically savaged the mailing bag open in excitement, eager to see and feel this new offering by a company I already had much faith in and respect for. It seemed I wasn’t going to be disappointed……..

To look at it was even more beautiful than the pictures I had seen. Dark purple and brown blended warp with a rustic unbleached linen weft. The pattern was something I really liked – it was one I would want to buy if made available. On first handling the wrap I was first struck at how soft and floppy it was already – I was expecting cardboard! In the short time it had been played with and worked on before it came here it was well on the way to being broken in. Next, I was drawn to the texture. The pattern was fairly smooth on the “right” side and textured on the “wrong” side. The cotton felt lovely and soft, with the linen feeling stiffer. The floopiness of the cotton made up for the stiffer linen as the wrap itself was broken in enough for my liking. The tapers scared me (think Ellevill!) but I was reassured that these tapers aren’t Firespirals standard ones. An exception was made due to the beastly nature of the wrap when it was hemmed. Another thing that struck me was the uh-ma-zing diagonal stretch.

Wrapping!

As you can expect, I didn’t spend too long having a fondle before I grabbed my first victim wrapee! X was first up, and I wrapped him in a knotless reinforced rear rebozo ruck. X was very agitated at the time so it was a very quick job. However…..

A wrap that wraps itself?! You can see here that it needs more tightening, but how forgiving of a sloppy wrap job is this? He also fell asleep within a minute of me putting him up, so a thumbs up from X as well.
When X woke up he was in a cheerful mood so I tried a simple hip carry with a slipknot……….

“Oh yes, love this, we *need* one of these!”

Look at that mouldability! It’s like they were made for each other. He snuggled right in and had himself some milk. You can get an idea from the chunkiness of the knot about the thickness of the wrap, but you can see this doesn’t affect the ability to tighten through the knot effectively. I’m not a massive fan of one shoulder carries, but X likes them so I use hip carries around the house a fair bit.

And on our first go outside…………

L needed a nap later on, when X also did, so I tandemed them indoors with L in a knotless ruck in the Firespiral…………

It took some pacing but he fell asleep eventually!

Here is X in a knotless ruck, quick job wrapped over my coat (something I really try to avoid doing as I find it much easier to wrap over clothing then layer up) in a car park before we headed into town………..

Easiest over-coat-wrapping I’ve ever done! I wasn’t keen on the chunky leg pass but that’s to be expected with this wrap. You can see here the embroidered middle marker used for this tester batch.

Summary

I used this wrap each day exclusively every time only one needed to be wrapped. If I needed to tandem then I used it with L (my toddler). I don’t drive so we walk most places (a good example of an outing is walking to town – 20 minutes away on foot – for the postal run and having a wander around before walking back home again. We are out for a minimum of 2 hours, sometimes all day, with a good chunk of that in the sling. L likes to walk a lot now but will go in for at least 1.5hrs in one go as he goes in a sling for his nap when we’re out. During this week I bribed encouraged him to come up most of the time instead of walking. So this wrap was given a very good workout with a toddler, mainly in a single layer carry (knotless ruck) for a decent amount of time in each carrying period. I found the wrap to be wonderfully supportive, mouldable, comfortable even when wrapped sloppily and surprisingly easy to wrap with. It really was like it wrapped itself – minimal attention needed.

Most of all I loved how good it was for both of my boys. A wrap of this blend and thickness is not something I would have gone out and bought for X, or would have thought of using much with him, but it has proven its loveliness for a smaller baby too. I wouldn’t choose it for a newborn, but felt X was at just the right age for the density to not be a problem. He certainly enjoyed being wrapped in it, which I think is the main decider! He took many naps in it during its stay here.

I know the pattern was meant to just be for these testers but I need you all to beg for it to be woven as an official design! The texture of the pattern on the “wrong” side gave this wrap a wonderful grip, but without being too grippy, so that the passes still glided smoothly in a 2 layer carry but gripped well when in place. I will go on about the beautiful diagonal stretch again as this was the biggest thing for me. It was really amazing, and I would love to try out a different blend to see how it wraps. Seeing as this wrap was the beast of the bunch I can only dream about the possibilities of the others! It really is a wrap to be tried out to fully understand the qualities of it, and realise the potential of future wraps seeing as these are only the first testers.

The things that were a problem for me with the wrap were the crazy tapers (but that is something that isn’t planned to be repeated on other wraps) and the fact it can pull easily. The tapers (as well as the thickness of the wrap) meant that it wrapped a bit short. Amazingly my workout only left it with one (very long!) pull though, and I am someone who tends to end up with pulls really easily as my wraps are very much used and abused. The pull was woven back in easily by the next tester, but that it was so big was a bit frightening to say the least. Jen and Tamsin have said they are working on the pull factor in a way that will hopefully not compromise on that wonderful stretch.

I am so happy that this wrap not only met, but surpassed, my hopes and expectations. I’m also excited that the Firespiral ladies are making it possible for as many of their target audience to see, feel and have a play with one of their wraps in the next run of testers. As luck would have it, I was also able to meet Tamsin and Jen recently. It was brilliant to have my perception of them as people confirmed and broadened, and to see in front of me their passion for their product and the babywearing community. All in all I am more than happy to recommend this new company based on what I’ve seen so far, from their ethos and vision to the wrap I was fortunate enough to be able to test.

A Trip Away

I went on a training course a couple of weeks ago and (along with it being a great learning experience anyway) found it helped to strengthen some areas of our mutual communication. It also showed me how hard it is to balance a baby’s needs whilst taking everything in. We did it, but it was an intense experience that I don’t want to repeat any time soon! On one day I had a period of time where I really needed to get something done, so was saying to X something along the lines of “It’s ok, I’ll be done in a minute” when he needed to go, but he became more and more upset. When I was finished I realised he had done a wee and was getting more upset because I hadn’t taken him to the toilet. I always kick myself when I don’t put his needs first – not respecting his request to be heard. On another day I had a classic moment. I did what I *know* X doesn’t like me doing, and took him to the toilet to see if he would go before we got into something. He flat out refused (as I should have known he would), then told me a few minutes later he needed to go. I took him again but he refused. He told me again, I took him again, and he refused again. I took him back and he peed on me! It was almost as if he was saying “Yep…..two can play that game!”. It is difficult for me at times to not slip into that way of thinking, as I’m still trying to shake off some of the effects my parents’ parenting had on mine.

I also had an amazingly awful experience on the train home – but very funny when I look back on it! I was having a lovely bit of interaction with X, he was chatting away to me, me to him, then I smell a strange smell. *Breastfed-poo-in-a nappy smell. Horrified, I took him to the toilet to have a look. Yep, he’d started to do a poo, without so much as the tiniest indication to me! That was fun (not) clearing up. He was happy to have done it though so it wasn’t really a bad thing I guess!

*X’s poo always has a slight iron-y smell to it when he’s pooing in a potty/toilet

Changing Preferences

X decided last week that he prefers to use a potty during the day. Not any old potty either – a specific one that we have, a Boots basic uncomfortable-looking one! Thankfully this preference lasted strongly for only 4 days. He then decided a combination of toilet and potty is fine, depending on his preference at the time. I was taking the potty out with me (so inconvenient) but have decided to keep it at home unless he changes his mind and wants to use it most of the time. What I love/d about EC on the go is the convenience, so having to remember a potty wasn’t fun. L used to only want to use the toilet reducer, which was cumbersome enough. He seems to prefer to poo in the toilet though – mainly refusing the potty when asking to be taken, then pooing straight away once I try the toilet.

He is also choosing to have a feed sometimes when he wakes up, then indicates his need to go after. I wonder if this is a natural next step in his testing his bladder strength/capacity. Maybe his next test will be sleeping for longer stretches at night ;o)

Vocalising

We’re starting to hear a lot more from X – in general and EC-wise. He is a very vocal baby and uses his voice to express a range of emotions and needs. He will get very shouty if he’s not responded to after his initial communication. When we’re in the car he primarily uses his voice to say he needs to go. This is handy as it’s obviously much easier to know he needs to go and you can then tell him that we’re about to stop/can’t stop/cue him if necessary. I bought a Closer car seat protector from The Clean Green Nappy Machine (I had just enough time to pop into their store in Hebden Bridge) specifically for these moments!

It’s interesting to see that not only does he use his voice, but he blows raspberries too when he is needing to eliminate. It’s mainly linked to needing a poo, which is exciting for me as I’ve not noticed any exclusive signs from him so far for this. He has just signalled as he would for a wee up until now, and still does some of the time.

EC Meet

We went to a local EC meet last week, and it threw up another instance of me taking over from X. When we were about 10mins away L (2) needed to go to the toilet so I told him we would be there soon, hold on etc. When we got there X had woken up. For some reason I unwrapped him as well, put him down and told him I’d be with him in a minute. I took L for a pee then got X and offered him the potty.

Somewhere along the line I had forgotten he hadn’t asked to go yet. So of course he wasn’t having any of it, I apologised and waited til he told me he wanted to go. When he did, I put him on the potty but he wouldn’t go. When I took him off he protested that he needed to go. Confused, I offered again over the next 10 minutes or so each time he made a strong indication of wanting to go, but took him to a corner for some privacy. Eventually it twigged that the “privacy” I was offering him wasn’t that at all! “Here you go, you can pee in peace! Erm, while everyone is still in the room and you can hear them…….”. So, took him to the toilet and he went straight away. He needed his privacy respected, and this is another thing that is taking time to learn. When my babies were in nappies I wouldn’t think twice about changing one in front of other people and that seems to have carried over.

It’s lovely seeing babies of all ages at meets like these, and hearing about other peoples journeys. It would be great to hear about other groups in different areas too, and if you attend/run one please feel free to post details on our Facebook page. It would be great to get a map up of meets/groups around the country on my EC page on this website.

Age: 5 months

EC-related gear using:

* Little pants
* Nightgowns (occasionally, as he really has outgrown them – which would be fine in warmer weather!)
* Open/split crotch trousers (occasionally – will use more in warmer weather)
* Normal potty
* Closer Car Seat Protector

Additional comments:

I’m being reminded daily about the importance of reciprocating X’s communication. Because he is entering an age where he is using his voice more he reminds me I need to keep up my verbal communication with him. With the constant distractions of the older children it’s easy to slip into acknowledging in my head he’s telling me he needs a wee, then taking him, instead of first verbalising that I heard him. I would say “Oh are you hungry? Do you want some milk?” or “You look tired, do you need a nap?” reflexively, but it takes thought sometimes for me to apply this to his elimination cues. I still have so much to learn, and I love how practicing EC challenges my thinking not only here but in other areas of parenting and life in general.

So, what’s been going on with us?

We’ve had a very interesting month – X has discovered a physical way of saying “no”, we’ve had a few weeks of him attempting to test the capacity of his bladder, and we’re once again settling into a comfort zone.

Saying “No”

X has discovered the art of leg straightening to say “no”! This happened 4 or 5 weeks ago, when I took him to the toilet after what I presumed was a period of sleep. In fact he had been feeding, come off, and was fussing to go back on. So when I took him to the toilet he didn’t want to go, and told me this by protesting vocally and physically (leg straightening). This led to about a week of having a handy tool for T (husband) to know if he had misread X. After this period of time X started using it to say “no” when he was clearly saying he heeded the toilet moments before! This has carried on for a few weeks and we’re just coming out the other side. I’m presuming it was either testing how long he could hold it or a test of whether our respect for him letting us know when he wants to go extended to if he said “actually, no I don’t want to go”. I think I probably made the phase last longer as in the beginning I was confused as to why he was doing it, and would try to think of ways to help him relax, which would just frustrate him further! Interestingly this phase coincided with a Wonder Weeks developmental leap.

During this phase I found he was much more settled within himself when in the sling. Unfortunately it’s not practical to have him in there all the time with the demands of a toddler (wanting to feed a lot for example!). He would refuse up to half of the time (including night time, but not so much then). Finding the balance between taking him when he asked and taking him away from the bathroom as soon as he refused has been tricky. After being told “I need to go!” several times you feel the need to presume he’s having you on ;o) Which in turn takes you back to square 1! It’s been really interesting as taking a step back to look at what’s going on has made me realise I need to start taking my own advice. A friend has gotten through “potty pauses” with a constant reminder to carry on as normal and respect what they tell you. I had told myself that these exercises of control would easily pass as he would be respected, but I found myself still trying to have some control over the situation, by thinking “If I could just get him to relax enough he will go, and won’t get annoyed that he still needs to go.”. This is where I think we in the West go wrong so much with EC. We’ve been brought up to expect nothing but babies going in nappies, and then told that we must “train” them to know their own body. The training aspect still lingers in the shadows for me (N was fully nappied and potty trained) – the wanting to “help” when there is no need. For the most part that stays in the background but rears it’s ugly head occasionally when I feel I’m failing X in some way.

Respecting X’s new-found ability to say no meant that we’ve gradually come out the other side over the past week and a half. He was beginning to settle down just before we went away for the weekend last week, and I think it might have passed a little quicker if he didn’t have to deal with me not being fully present with him. He is still using this ability if we dare to offer when he hasn’t told us he needs to go (taking him straight after a nap or attempting a pottitunity before going out for example).

Pants Freedom!

So, I mentioned in the last blog post that we had ditched the nappies and moved to using pants full time. This was going so well until the “No” phase! I had one day where I gave up and put a nappy on him but soon realised there was much more washing that way. It is so nice having a lovely squidgy bum in pants! There’s something about the way they sit in the sling, the convenience of just having a couple of spare pairs of pants and bottoms in your bag instead of nappies, and the way you’re more in tune with hearing them without the “protection” of a nappy. X doesn’t go in the sling so there’s no fear there (once I realised he wouldn’t). L would pee in his nappy in the sling, and I had a spectacular communication fail last summer when we went to a music event at one of our local parks. I didn’t hear L telling me he needed to go so he did a MASSIVE pee on me – it started with a warm feeling, which quickly turned into pee splashing onto the floor as I walked, passing through the layers of the Double Hammock he was in, while lots of people were walking behind me. Thankfully I was able to see the hilarity of that situation, and was so glad it was a lovely warm day!

X wears either little training pants or normal pants. The training pants are handy at home – if I’m concentrating enough on something else that the part of my brain that subconciously listens for X’s cues is engaged elsewhere, the pants will catch the pee he’s starting. If we’ve missed him telling us he will generally only start the pee, and will finish off on the toilet. Out and about he will usually just be in normal pants if we’re going to be walking a lot (so he’ll be mainly in the sling). If we’ll be stopping anywhere for a long time I’ll usually put him in training pants. It lessens the likelihood that a missed pee will wick onto his bottoms.

Age: 4 months

Signs:

* Kicking legs
* Waving arms
* Hitting
* Protesting
* Rapid breathing
* Avoids eye contact

Methods used:

* All communication (with the odd control slip-up!)

EC related gear using:

* Little training pants
* Split crotch trousers
* Itti Bitti change mats
* Rompers poppered just at the ankles, with legwarmers under
* Nightgowns

I haven’t posted in a while……this is due to us going through a very difficult time as a family this past month or so. We’ve also had two bouts of illness – chest infection and a bad cold – with X having caught the cold. The EC side of things has generally carried on as normal, with some hurdles along the way.

Hurdles

Since X caught the cold we have had a pooey nappy. He was telling me he needed to go but I had a friend over and didn’t respond to him in time. Not responding to him in time really has been the only reason any wees (and the odd poo) get missed. I keep going on about it, but the communication is so clear. It seems to me that if responded to as early in their life as possible it encourages the communication to stay clear and concise. I know that by the time he starts crawling things are likely to change, but it looks like the in-arms phase is for building a secure foundation for communicating their bodily function needs. That said, we have experienced a couple of days in a row where he seemed to be refusing help…….

Last week X seemed to have something troubling him. He’d had a cold for about 2 weeks so I didn’t think it was to do with that. He seemed unable to relax enough to go and would get really upset about it. Then he would end up going sometime after he’d been offered, still upset. It took a while but I finally realised it was because he hadn’t pooed in a few days. He generally gets a bit uncomfortable on the day he’s going to do a poo, if he’s left a day or two inbetween going. Once he relaxed enough to get his poo out he was back to normal.

Nights

Also last week I managed to keep him dry overnight 3 nights in a row. We’ve generally moved past me not waking fully enough to pee him in time, with that being replaced with his relaxation issue. The first night he had trouble relaxing on one of his wake-ups, so I took him to the bathroom and he went there fine. The second night he was fine going each time, and the third brought something interesting to the mix. X wouldn’t relax so I put his nappy back on, fed him til he was asleep, then did the finger-check to see if he was wet. He wasn’t, so I went back to sleep. When he woke again he peed fine. The next wake up he wouldn’t relax again, and the same thing happened as before. I thought he was half following that pattern again last night as on the third wake-up he refused the potty, went to sleep, but didn’t as he’d peed by the time I got his nappy off the next time. This night-time EC probably sounds like a lot of faff, but as we never leave him in a wet nappy I would have to change him at each wake-up/after each feed anyway.

Friends

I love how us practicing EC has got my friends communicating with L too – it is one of the most enjoyable things for me to see.

Yesterday I spent a wonderful afternoon with a lovely friend who practiced EC with her daughter. She recognised X telling her he needed to go to the toilet both of the times he had to when she was holding him. She toileted him for me both of those times, and reminisced about the “thrill of the catch”. It never goes – it’s always a great feeling to know you’re communicating with such a little person!

At our Xmas sling meet on both occasions friends held him they came to me when they thought he needed the toilet. They were both right! These were ladies who don’t practice EC with their children, so I hope it may encourage them to think about giving it a go with their next babies.

We also had a really lovely weekend doing a baby and craft fair at one of our local shopping centres before Xmas. I was able to speak to lots of people about babywearing, with X being a perfect advert for it, but the biggest thing for me was normalising EC. On the first day I had X on my back whilst I set up. He started squirming so I knew he needed to pee, but I was anxious to get some things into the correct place, so I put him off. He went back to sleep, so I knew he had likely gone in his nappy but was sleepy enough for it to not bother him. I actually left him up there until he woke up again (not proud of that!) and attempted to pee him. He wasn’t happy about this and wanted to feed, subsequently peeing in that new nappy whilst he fed. I went to put a new nappy on him and realised I had none left. I hadn’t expected to even get through the one! So into little training pants he went, and what a seriously cute advert he was for EC! I didn’t take any pictures unfortunately. So anyway, here is little X, in his police car training pants, romper suit (open except for the ankle snaps) and legwarmers – munchable! I had the THP with me so I could potty him easily behind the table. This, plus him being in pants drew attention from the ladies exhibiting next to me, and anyone who wanted a cuddle, which of course then started conversations about EC. It was lovely opening new eyes to this basic, natural practice. He kept those pants on all day, and the next day kept his nappy dry too. People who are open-minded tend to be in awe of what our babies can do. I was too, until X, when I started to fully understand the extent of our babies’ awareness and abilities. It all seems amazing in our world of nappies, but it is just normal. We are the only people holding our babies back.

Breakthroughs

The first breakthrough I’ve had is something I’ve known would work all along, but was too tired to try. This is taking him to the bathroom to pee instead of trying to get him to relax enough to go on the Top Hat Potty. This has worked extremely well in the 2 nights I’ve tried it – the first night he only peed when we were in bed once as the time melded together, me thinking he had slipped off from feeding after he’d been to the toilet. So I was trying to get him to “continue” to feed but he kept popping off and I realised that in fact it was the next wake-up as he started to pee! Last night I kept him dry all night. It takes much less time and energy for me to get up and pee him in the toilet than sitting for ages trying to relax him in the bedroom.

The second breakthrough has been something I should have done long ago, but has taken me nearly 3 months to re-learn! This breakthrough was to let go of any control I was trying to have of our EC relationship and just trust X implicitly. I had this breakthrough with L some months back, after his “potty pause”, but I think it was harder to trust a newborn! Yesterday we had one miss while I was trying to quickly finish replying to a work email, and today we’ve had one miss when X was with T (his Daddy) while I was doing some work. Since doing this I haven’t had any misses based on doubting what he’s telling me. In fact, it’s made it much easier to respond to him in some of the situations I found “impossible” before. I think with some of those times I was thinking “but he might not really need to go”. It’s a very humbling breakthrough as it’s teaching me to really put him first. Most “impossible” situations are really ones where I’m thinking what I’m having to do at that moment is more important than meeting his need. Even things like when I’m nursing L can be briefly put on hold, as if I quickly pee X he is then happy to have a cuddle with his sister or daddy while I finish feeding L, therefore giving L some precious one-on-one time. So L may be inconvenienced for less than a minute but ultimately benefits from X’s needs being met!

X is starting to not want to pee straight after naps sometimes, so I’m starting to wait for him to tell me instead of going on timing for those pees. If I just try to take him straight away and he isn’t ready he gets cross with me! Then it takes him a while to relax enough to then tell me he’s ready.

I have also FINALLY gone cold turkey on the nappies! We don’t need them, and even if he does have a miss a pair of training pants is much easier to wash (or just rinse out at this age with non-smelly pee!). He’s either in pants or just nakey butt at home and in pants with trousers or legwarmers & unpoppered romper (just poppered at the ankles) when out. I’m going to enjoy this blissful period while it lasts!

Summary

Age: 12 weeks

Signs:

* Kicking legs
* Waving arms
* Protesting
* Rapid breathing
* Avoids eye contact

Methods used:

* Timing for wake up pees, but starting to wait for communication first now
* Communication from X at all other times

EC related gear using:

* Top Hat Potty & covers (using less now due to his aversion!)
* Little training pants
* Split crotch trousers
* Itti Bitti change mats
* Rompers poppered just at the ankles, with legwarmers under
* Nightgowns

Additional comments:

Things such as them being unable to relax, or them clearly saying “I need to go!” but then not going straight away are things that easily confuse people. These are some of the issues that people will then post on forums about and generally get well-meaning but wrong advice. The favourite theme to advice for hurdles like these is to “back off”, to put EC on hold for a day or two, maybe more. This really is the worst thing to do. You haven’t suddenly started taking them to the toilet more, or stopped listening to them and started peeing them to a schedule. Trust your baby, trust yourself. Keep both sides of the communication going, connect more and carry on as normal.

Sleep, or lack thereof, directly impacts your EC relationship. Right now at night times I feel like I wish I didn’t know about EC. Kind of. In those waking moments, exhausted, hoping you’re dreaming that your baby is waking up, everything goes out the window. I find my half-conscious mind wishing he was in a nappy all night long and didn’t need feeding every hour or two, as he kicks and protests that he needs to wee. By the time I tell myself to snap out of it and attend to him, he’s very annoyed to be in a wet nappy. Or, I will think I dozed off for a minute feeding him, wonder sleepily why he isn’t latching properly, then feel a warm patch spreading.

How do you break this cycle? Well, I’m thinking maybe going to bed earlier and getting a nap in duing the day. Impossible at the moment but I’m hoping sometime in the next couple of months my sons will actuslly nap at the same time! And go to bed earlier. I can dream, right?

These past two weeks have brought us our first real hurdle – X went through almost 24 hours of needing to be sucking to relax enough to pee. He would tell me he needed to go but would be asking for milk once I tried to potty him. When offered boob he would tell me he needed to pee. So round and round we went until he would pee when he finally latched on for about a minute. Then I tried cueing him once latched on and he would pee straight away. I had a big problem with this though. I don’t want him associating eating with peeing the same as we don’t want to feed our babies sat in a toilet somewhere. I then asked some ladies who practice EC for their thoughts/advice, and it seems that it’s a common need. So I decided on a compromise – I would offer a knuckle instead! This worked once.

I had been stroking his thighs/knees with my thumbs for the past few weeks now as a half-hearted attempt at relaxation when holding him in position so decided to make a conscious effort to use this more effectively by relaxing myself when doing it. This amazingly worked the first time I tried it properly and seems to have broken the need-to-suck for the most part.

Another problem relaxation-wise is that X will have times of random startling when being pottied. He’ll appear to be relaxed then will jump, or will be peeing then startle mid-stream. I’m thinking this has come from L running up in his face or trying to hug him when I’m using the Top Hat Potty. Almost like he’s created an association of being frightened with peeing. I’m trying to remember to potty him out of L’s way and the startling has lessened.

We seem to be having one poo incident every 2 weeks at the moment! X had an explode-y bum when I was trying to finish getting L’s lunch ready last week. In classic frazzled mother mode, baby being supported in one arm facing outwards, me bouncing him, telling him we’ll go to the toilet in a minute….in a minute……in a minute……..SQUAAARRT!!! Yep. That old rule again – don’t make them wait if you can help it! Poor boy, he was so shocked and upset! I wonder what our next poo incident will be……..

We’ve had a couple more outdoor pees in the past couple of weeks – both in the same place! The weather has got me thinking what am I going to do if we’re in this situation again. I’m thinking I’ll be making him more little fleece split crotch trousers (when I find the time!) and investing in more rompers and leg warmers. I’ve done the split crotch trousers with nakey butt and prefold between him and the sling, which worked quite well. It was a bit of a faff with the prefold though, as I put it between the waistband of the trousers. I have my tester “Sling Saver” pinned ready to be sewn so will review it once it’s made and I’ve given it a test run. I’ve had him in little pants too, which fit nicely round the waist but are baggy round his skinny little legs!

The Top Hat Potties are still getting a lot of use, but X is showing a preference for going in the bathroom sink. I’m guessing he prefers me holding him when I’m standing up. I’m finding it difficult to aim well into the toilet or THP, getting especially frustrated at over-spray when he’s pooing in it. It is however a BRILLIANT piece of equipment for L to pee in when I’m feeding X – I just hold it under his penis and away he goes! I wish the THP had a boy attachment to prevent the overspraying. I guess I just have to go with it for now (or get up and go to the bathroom) until he can be held easily on a normal potty.

I’ve settled into a comfort zone with EC’ing my little baby. It’s a normal part of daily life, as simple yet important as feeding and sleep. I travel light as there’s rarely a situation where toileting X is impossible. Most people probably don’t even realise what’s going on when I take him to the toilet. Of course there are days when I can’t respond to him quickly enough with L needing me so much still, but the communication is always there. Most days will consist of 2 or 3 daytime misses, and anywhere between 1 and 5 night time misses. I always talk to him about what has happened/is happening. It is so important to keep the communication 2 sided and to let your baby know that you heard them but weren’t able to help them in time/didn’t hear them but please tell me again next time. This builds a solid foundation and you will be surprised at how quickly babies start understanding you too.

I love where I’m at with my comfort levels right now. When L was younger I was very conscious of what people would say or think, which prevented me from responding to his toileting needs most of the time when out and about until he was around 9 months old. In a country where nappies are the norm and most feel babies cannot possibly have any awareness or bladder control before the age of 2 it comes across as a bit of a wacky parenting decision. Negative comments really did not help, especially when some of those people refused to be open minded. I even felt uncomfortable around those who practiced EC with their babies, worrying I was doing it all wrong. There is much learning involved and isn’t always straightforward – just like breastfeeding. We have an EC support group in Suffolk – Suffolk Nappy-Free Babies – which is so helpful for those new and old to EC alike. I really think it is important for EC support to be accessible to everyone. Just like other things such as breastfeeding, weaning etc., there is good and bad advice out there, most of it well meaning. We’re having to start from scratch again, not having the advice of older generations or being exposed to natural infant toileting as we grow up, and this means most of us are stumbling along the road doing the best we can with what knowledge we have. I would love to see EC viewed as just another parenting choice with no shock factor attached, and the next generation opting to practice EC in much greater numbers in much the same way cloth nappies have become very popular again. I live in hope =o)

Summary

Age: 6.5 weeks

Signs:

* Kicking legs
* Waving arms
* Protesting
* Rapid breathing
* Avoids eye contact
* Will coo sometimes just before he releases a wee

Methods used:

* Timing for wake up pees
* Communication from X at all other times

EC related gear using:

* Top Hat Potty & covers
* Little training pants
* Split crotch trousers
* Itti Bitti change mats
* Rompers poppered just at the ankles, with legwarmers under
* Nightgowns

Additional comments:

I really want to up my confidence when outside. X has peed when in the sling twice I think, and those times were in the first few weeks, when I was nowhere near a toilet. He’s proved to me how long he can hold for when he needed to go and was fussing lots, we headed to the nearest toilet (which was a couple of minutes away) but he fell asleep when we got near. So I went to the post office and he woke up again just before my turn. It was lunch time so there was a big queue and I did the selfish thing and took my turn, bouncing him, telling him we would go in a minute. He fussed and fussed until we got to the toilet so I was thinking he’d peed, fallen asleep then woken up due to being wet. In fact he was dry but was bursting for a wee! I think I need to get to a place where I fully trust my listening to him outside (I’m almost there) as I think removing the safety net would put me on hyper-awareness at the moment, possibly tripping me up into offering “just in case” instead of going by what X is telling me.

We’re really noticing how much he expects us to respond to his toileting needs. He will make his need known loudly if not responded to in a timely manner during his awake time! For the most part he communicates very clearly that he needs to go, with a surprise pee (with no eing rare. Responding to him in time however can be a bit hit and miss – it all depends on whether L (23 months) is being attended to at the tim try to keep the communication very open if I’ve been unable to help X in time, thanking him for telling me and apologising for not helping him in time. I really believe it’s crucial to keep the communication 2 sided.

Daddy caught his first pee this week! He’s been on toilet duty for L when he’s at home, with me attending to X, but the occasion finally arose where X needed to go when I couldn’t take him. Since then he’s taken him a few times.

The past 2 weeks have brought new signs in addition to those already used by X. He has started to breathe rapidly along with his regular kicking and fussing, and if he’s had to signal long enough he’ll start waving his arms too. The other sign is a cute “guuuuuu” or “aaaaaahh” sometimes when he is just about to go.

Out and about

EC on our travels is becoming more and more like second nature. Before I went out of the house with X in the beginning I worried that it would be very difficult and that I would be feeling stressed and on “pee patrol” for fear of being distracted and ignoring him or not being able to change his nappy as soon as he wet it. I think I underestimated the level of communication from him, not realising that he would be so clear about needing to go. When he stirs in the sling whilst asleep, that’s my cue to work out where the nearest toilet is. He usually gives me enough time between then and vocalising to get there and get him out in time.

When we’re out and other people are holding him I find myself in a heightened state of awareness, ready to swoop in and take him away when he asks, almost as though I don’t want to let him down by not hearing him. This is teamwork after all! I had a lovely bit of communication this week when a friend was holding him and appeared to be filing his nappy (windy!). She told me she thought he might be pooing and I looked at him, saw he was content and said it was probably wind. A week before and I would probably have taken him to the toilet to check – listening to my “does he/doesn’t he?” rather than him. But there I was, surprising myself with the confidence that he was just having a windy clearout as he wasn’t telling me otherwise. He was passed to another friend after a bit, and a little while later started kicking. I took him to the toilet, feeling a little apprehensive about whether my judgement call earlier had been right. It was, and he happily did his wee (he saved his poo for the inlaws’ toilet!). This was a crucial moment for me, it emphasised that trusting your little one is so important. I mentioned teamwork earlier and will do so again. It’s so important, and even more so that we realise our role in this team. Our babies are the ones calling the shots and it’s our job to respond and help them.

Another big thing that happened was X’s first alfresco pee! Not something I wanted to be doing anytime soon in this cold weather, but he demanded it. We’re usually near a toilet or in the car where we keep a Top Hat potty so haven’t encountered a situation where peeing outside needed to be an option. We were walking along a very long deserted road when X started to wake up. We were 10/15 mins from our destination so tried feeding him to see if he’d go back off to sleep, but he was having none of it. He kicked up a huge fuss, me telling him it was alright, you can go in your nappy and cueing him, but he just cried louder and wriggled harder. I realised I had two options – 1) have a screaming baby until we got there as he would eventually not be able to hold it, would pee, then be even angrier that he was sat in a wet nappy, or 2) pee him. Always one to take the easier route if possible, I took him out, took his nappy off and held him over grass. He went as soon as I cued him. Lesson learned!

Days

During the day he’s started to have the odd time where he will feed first then go. Other times he clearly really needs to go, but also wants milk, and can’t decide which he wants more! When this happens he fights himself until he settles for feeding and peeing at the same time. This is the only time he eliminates whilst feeding.

X doesn’t like to be put down (awake or asleep), and doesn’t usually like to be held by other people for very long. L is finding it hard as he still very much needs me, and the lack of one-on-one time has lead to him starting to lash out and climb on X. This means that pottying X is getting more difficult as L sees this as an opportunity to grab/try to climb on X, or to decide it’s the perfect time for a feed, helping himself. So there’s lots of pee-crobatics going on at home!

Nights

X has started to hold his pee longer about 2/3rds of the time when he starts to wake. He can be fully awake and still be waiting for me to offer the potty. I’ve noticed that the extent of his bladder control depends on how long he’s slept. For instance, if he’s had a (very rare!) 3 hr spell at night then he’s guaranteed to go as he’s waking up. Whereas if he sleeps for 2 hrs he’s more likely (about 50/50) to hold it long enough for me to wake up enough to pee him in time. The past couple of weeks have seen me miss all pees on several nights, miss one or two on most of the rest and the first night of no misses (last night).

Poo

We’ve had one smudge in a nappy after a wet fart when he was with his daddy. Another time I ended up getting pooed on after X was fussing! He had started to poo in the Top Hat potty but was acting antsy wanting to feed. So I fed him, and he relaxed enough to poo on me at the same time, haha! Other than that the rest of them have been “caught”. It is still amazing me how he really does not want to poo in a nappy. In fact, all of this is constantly leaving me in awe. Not because I have a baby who can do something different to others (he’s not got any special skills!), but because this is normal behaviour for a baby. Behaviour that we’ve been taught to ignore with the popularity of nappies, that I had no idea about before discovering EC.

X now rarely poos more than once a day. He started off pooing multiple times a day, just like the other two did (and continued to do well past the introduction of solids). I wonder if it is just him, or if it’s because when he poos he’s in the optimal position to get it all out in one go?

Sleep

I’m also realising more and more how important sleep is to being in tune with your baby. When you’re really tired it’s so easy to forget what those signs mean. I’ve only managed 1 nap since X was born, but I hope that it will be easier to fit them in when he’s a bit older and sleeps for more than 10 mins during the day out of the sling! I know that X’s bladder control is developing well due to being exhausted when I wake up enough at night but still having enough time to potty him.

Summary

Age: 1 month

Signs:

* Always needs to wee upon waking
* Kicks legs and fusses
* Breathing becomes rapid
* Waves arms if not responded to quickly enough
* Makes a sound sometimes (“guuuuu” or “aaahhh”) just before releasing a pee

Methods used:

* Timing for wake up pees
* Wait for him to tell me at all other times

EC-related products using:

* Top Hat potties (mainly with fleece covers)
* Split crotch fleece trousers
* Nightgowns (with elasticated bottom – easy to slide up at night instead of pulling bottoms on and off)
* Itti Bitti change mats (waterproof, soft, flexible – great as a bed mat or for nappy free time)
* Leg warmers (perfect for putting under rompers – I just do the romper up at the ankles so the rest is open for easy toileting)

Additional comments:

I’ve not taken X out of nappies at night again yet, or had him in the sling in split crotch trousers with a prefold tucked in yet. I hope to try both soon though. I seem to be using nappies at home more for some reason…..need to cut down on that! I’ve been noticing that X gets antsy after he’s been peed a lot of the time. Interested to find out why this may be. Maybe because he then wants milk straight away?

So we had a baby 2 and a half weeks ago! We are enjoying getting to know our 2nd son, and have been amazed at how quickly our EC relationship has been established.

Although I wanted to start from birth this time (once you’ve practiced EC it’s hard to imagine not doing it), I thought it would be complicated and difficult – especially with a toddler around. The reality however has been the complete opposite……..

Our new journey began when X was 9 hours old. He didn’t want to sleep the night he was born, which was lovely being able to start getting to know him instead of sleeping away those first few hours of his life. However, he started getting restless and wouldn’t feed, and I wondered if it was because he wanted to do his first poo. So we got out the Top Hat potty and lined it with a flushable liner (the ones you use with cloth nappies – definitely use them for the meconium poos – no messy clean-up!), then I held him in the classic position with his head supported by my body. At this point – although I did seriously wonder if he needed to go – I thought it was a long shot, but every other need had been met so this was the last thing I could think of. Imagine our surprise when he did his first poo! Afterwards he had a feed and settled down to sleep – he had just needed to eliminate first.

And so our new EC journey started. On that first day he had 6 meconium poos – 3 of which went in the THP, 3 onto a nappy liner (he was naked for his 1st day). After the first day he seemed to really not want to poo anywhere close to his body, and to date he has pooed in varied amounts in 3 nappies, the first being a smudge, 2nd the size of an old style 50p piece and one true poo when I decided to feed him although I knew he needed to go. He was fussing over the THP so I thought I’d feed him first – big mistake as he fussed, stopped, and did an almighty explosion. I took the nappy off, started to clean him up, and hubby said “are you sure he’s finished?” ……cue X finishing by pooing on me!

Wee-wise, for the first week and a half most were caught, until the sleep deprivation caught up and nights started equalling missing all but 2 or 3 wees due to not waking up enough in time!

When he was 2 weeks old we had 18 whole hours without a miss – 5am – 11pm – incredible! We were out for part of the day and two of those catches were made by friends who have practiced EC with their children. It was lovely seeing them tune into my baby’s needs and help him eliminate!

So our experience so far has been very interesting. It’s been much easier to recognise what he is trying to tell us than I initially expected. I don’t know whether this is due to past experience, him being clear with his communication or if it’s simply this easy if you start straight away, never giving them the chance to be conditioned into using a nappy. I’m under no illusion that it will always be this way – I know all too well the challenges that may come along.

So, we’re just enjoying the proof that babies are born not wanting to soil themselves, the amazing connection with this tiny new person and the added bonus of hardly any nappies to wash!

If you’re contemplating trying out EC, however old your baby is, do it! You have nothing to lose and lots to gain.

Age: 17 days

Signs: Always needs to go upon waking. When awake signals his need to go by kicking his legs, suddenly acting frustrated when previously content, popping on and off when feeding. Me instinctively knowing before he tells me.

Methods used: Timing based for wake-up pees, communication based for all others apart from when instinct tells me he has to go.

EC-related products using: Top Hat potty (2 at home and 1 in the car), Top Hat potty covers, split crotch fleece trousers. Also use toilet and sink at home, and toilet (unless in the car) out and about. Use THP alot at home as easy to keep nearby. We were gifted an Itti Bitti change mat which is so soft and flexible that it’s more like a blanket – perfect for wrapping a nakey-bum baby in! We’ve since bought 2 more, and they are being used daily.

Additional comments: X wears a nappy at night now due to me not waking up fully in time for most of his pees. I want to experiment with a nappy under him and prefold over him like a blanket, as there’s the spray factor if he pees, which is why he wears a nappy now.

At home he is mainly nappy-free during the day. We generally go about 8-12hrs before a miss. He wears a nappy out-and-about, but is still very clear about needing to go (have the odd miss at other people’s houses and have had a couple of wet nappies elsewhere), so am going to have a go with him in split crotch trousers and a prefold tucked into the waist next time he’s out in the sling.